I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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