We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
