I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
