Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
