He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
