You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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