Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
