I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
