I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
