Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
