To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
