toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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