she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
