so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
