2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
