Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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