Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
