I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to calm my uterus...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
