So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
