WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize