i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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