My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
