I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
