careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
