Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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