Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
