I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
