therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
