What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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