He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
