4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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