Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
