I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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