You made me cry and you don't even care
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize