so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
