I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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