Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
