this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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