Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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