omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
