Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
