I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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