Swine flu. Run for my life!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
