bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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