Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
