She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
