Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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