Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
