So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So much rum. So many feels.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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