I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
