Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i've created a new STD.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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