if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
