Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
