Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"

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(513): View more from Ohio

First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

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(516): View more from New York

I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.

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(817): View more from Texas

I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home

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(630): View more from Illinois

I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness

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(+61): View more from Australia

He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today

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