I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
