dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
