Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
