I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
