I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
