i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
