I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
