My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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