"it" just moved
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
