I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
