Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
