Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
