I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
