I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
