So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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