Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
