I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
