I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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