Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
